Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
