6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
