I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
