i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
