I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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