I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
