i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
