That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
