so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
