I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
