I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
