i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
