I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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