i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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