Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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