At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who died my cat blue again?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
