I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
