Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
