my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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