I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
