plz talk dirty to me
I hate all girls vehemently.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
