My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
