call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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