im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
