I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
