Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
