butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
