The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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