i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
