I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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