I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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