and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
