This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
