help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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