I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you bring me the toilet please
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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