I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
