I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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