We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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