You can't special order awesome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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