Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
