Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
