I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
