So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
