Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
