This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
