if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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