You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
