I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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