Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
