Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
