I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
