Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
