he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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