i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
