How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize