my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
