So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
