Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
