look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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