you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
