I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
