Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i have two assholes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
