i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
