chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
