ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
