I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
