i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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