your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Houston, we have a squirter
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
