Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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