Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
