I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
