Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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