ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
