it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i've created a new STD.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
