Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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