I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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