Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
