my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
