I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize