So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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