Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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