I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
