You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize