I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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