mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
