It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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