shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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