our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
