she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
