so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
