do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize