Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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