He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize